What did you do today to succeed?

You know getting off the 'junk' wagon and on the 'fitness' wagon is harder than it should be. It's like taking the step off the platform at the top of a Bungee (I imagine because I haven't ever done a Bungee) but I imagine the rewards are worth the initial braveness and confidence required...

For me getting on the right wagon isn't about braveness, but it is about confidence, confidence in my own abilities, in myself. I have tried this so many times and yet here I am back at (almost) my heaviest weight.. It isn't quite making me miserable yet because I am kinda burying my head in the sand by not trying to wear the clothes that I know won't fit... by not thinking about it too much.

Now what I can say is... 'I know I can lose the weight' I do know this, all I have to do is track my calories and eat the right amount, all I have to do is get back into the gym, once I get into a routine I love going so that's easy.

So why aren't I doing this? Because I am burying my head in the sand and through doing that I am not making myself want it enough.... if I always put on the size 14 pants to wear for work and never try the 12's and realise how tight they are then I will never push myself to get into the Size 12's. Same goes for not thinking about it... If i think about it, it makes me sad and cross that I got my weight to 146lbs and then I let myself balloon back up again, but if I push it out of my mind and get on with the other stuff it doesn't bother me.

Over the last few months I have tried to step away from my negative body image (who wants to be sad about themselves all the time) and I am very cautious at looking at what I don't like about myself because I don't want to end up in a negative pattern again, but unless I take a long hard critical look then I am just going to plod along in the same situation and probably put on more weight and be gutted when I realise I am wearing a Size 18!!!

As I said in a previous post ...I control this, I control what size clothes I wear, I control what I eat, I control what exercise I do, I control whether I am healthy or not and I control the scale.

Right now I wanna get out of the 160's....that is my goal. I don't want to do it in a few weeks, a few months, next year.... I want to do it this week, so that's it decision made ... by Friday I will see a 159 at least on that scale and it starts with making the right choices today!!!