Saturday sickness.?.

I could have slept longer, but between the alarm (snoozed) and Eddie (hungry boy) I was forced to get up. I took Matt a cuppa and sat to drink mine. 

'Do you want it or not?' I asked myself angrily as I could feel the effects of the wine from last night and my tiredness giving me excuses to skip my workout.

'Yeh, but I can do it tomorrow or later...'

I am a practised procrastinator over nearly everything I do, I can put things off so well that I am surprised I get anything done. There really is only two choices this morning... Take a step towards my goal or step slightly further away again.

I made it, I am sat on my bench chugging a protein shake, Jodie marsh - bodybuilder on tv for inspiration and rock music blasting for power. I can do this, I can turn my life around and be the strong fit woman competing - I can!

So here is my workout:

	Exercise		Weight (kg)	Reps
	1 Flyes (Cable, Bent Over)	1	15×2	× 8
		2	15×2	× 8
		3	15×2	× 8
		4	15×2	× 8
	2 Bench Press (Barbell)	1	20	× 12
		2	20	× 10
		3	20	× 8
		4	20	× 6
	3 Front Raises (Cable)	1	10	× 12
		2	10	× 10
		3	10	× 8
		4	10	× 6
	4 Cable Pushdowns (Rope)	1	25	× 12
		2	25	× 10
		3	25	× 8
		4	25	× 6
	5 Flyes (Cable, Incline)	1	10×2	× 12
		2	10×2	× 10
		3	10×2	× 8
		4	10×2	× 6
	6 Lateral Raises (Dumbbell)	1	3×2	× 12
		2	3×2	× 10
		3	3×2	× 8
		4	3×2	× 6
	7 Cable Pushdowns (Rope)	1	30	× 12
		2	30	× 12
		3	30	× 12
		4	30	× 12
	8 Bench Press (Dumbbell, Incline)	1	10×2	× 12
		2	10×2	× 10
		3	10×2	× 8
		4	10×2	× 6
	9 One arm standing shoulder press	1	5	× 12
		2	5	× 10
		3	5	× 8
		4	5	× 6
	10 Triceps Extensions (Dumbbell)                    3x 12,10,8,6

Whilst my strength has dropped this was still a tough workout, in fact my arms are shaking whilst I am typing!

Time to jog it out now... Managed a fantastic 13 mins at 8:5.... That's a long way from my 10k I used to run every Saturday morning... But I'll get there....

Shower & brekkie before mum arrives, as normal we put the world to rights, chatting about anything and nothing. I caved and had pain au chocolat with my coffee, but I plan another cardio session later so at least I will work it off!

From there the day went downhill... I began to feel lightheaded, dizzy, generally quite sick...  I figured it was lack of food and inhaled some cottage cheese, raspberries and oatcakes before we went out to run some chores.  The feeling never left me and before I thought about it we were on our way home with 2 huge pizzas.

[note to self ... Must have ingredients ready for the Chicago pizza pie clean recipe I have if I  ever feel like that again!!]

We chilled watching films, bathing and then finally headed to bed 

You can't get fat on a Friday ...

I woke today with a pounding headache from the 2 glasses of wine I had last night and I know today will not be the day that I decide enough is enough, but instead it will be another day where I let myself off and eat as I please and skip the gym. 

I grit my teeth as I search to find a pair of jeans to fit, one that doesn't give me a huge muffin top and find my green jeans, these are the jeans I bought before Christmas, my size 14's, the jeans that by now nearly a year on were meant to have been retired to my 'too big to wear' wardrobe, but instead they are still a critical part of my wardrobe.  I sigh as I flick through the 'All Saints' clothes I own, flicking passed my favourite tops and tee-shirts until I find the most oversized one I own to camouflage the lumps and bulges that I wish weren't there.

I am up late and I am not organised, 'fail to prepare, prepare to fail' the saying rings around my mind as I pour my first coffee of the day. I plan my food for next week - this time I will follow my plan, no giving in to comfort food because I am tired!

 

By 10:30 my shopping for next week is ordered, I am at work and breakfast is over - it has been treat Friday at work so it was Starbucks day and after a Large Caramel Latte and Almond Croissant I think a calorie allowance is a pointless exercise for the rest of the day. The morning passed in a caffeinated blur thanks to the amount of coffee I have drunk.....

 

At lunchtime I read and head for the Farm Shop. the Farm shop should mean some healthy choices, but there are too many goodies and my will power hasn't been exercised for sometime now - I reach for the roast pork sandwich, some crisps and a chocolate mousse for later in the afternoon...

 

The chocolate mousse has sent me over the edge, my blood sugar levels have been up and down all of the way through the day and they are at the bottom now. I feel crappy, tired and the mousse has made me feel sick. Even a large glass of water to dilute all of the food hasn't helped kick it out of my system. I just want to go home and relax... I find I am already looking forward to the glass of wine that could be waiting for me...

 

I find my mind wandering to the person I want to be, what I want to look like (think Nicole Wilkins, the off season look). How am I going to get there if I continue how I am. Bet she doesn't give in to the sickly chocolate mousse just because she feels like it - or the glass of wine at night after a bad day....noooo she is an athlete, she feeds her body with good fuels, she doesn't stick rubbish in her fuel tank... there is no wonder I feel rubbish all the time - all I put into my body is rubbish, 'You are what you eat!'

 

I hope to myself that tomorrow I can start this, start to be the person I want, not the person I dislike when I look in the mirror - maybe tomorrow will be that day....

It's 8:15, I've had a salmon red thai curry, a bath and 2 glasses of my usual rosé and I am ready for bed... My body is burned out from the ups and downs of sugar rush today.

Whilst I wait for bedtime, my hubby is watching sport on tv in the lounge whilst I sulk in the kitchen drinking wine and wishing I wasn't so weak.

PShe woke groggily, the need to continue sleeping over took her, but he wasn't going to give in so easily, he looked at her, leaned in to sniff and lick her face all the while his tail wagged furiously. He loved mornings, he was so excited that it was a new day, she sighed and chuckled inwardly, sliding her legs out of bed. 

She padded downstairs, actually it was a beautiful morning, not too warm as it was getting to the end of summer now, there was dew on the grass and a dampness in the air that is never there during the midsummer. After feeding him she sat at the table ready to drink her coffee, the caffeine will bring her round and chase the sleepiness away. She checked in on Facebook, what had her friends across the Atlantic been up to whilst she slept, post after post of fitness, food and wellbeing tips and tricks were there, she groaned inwardly, she wanted that lifestyle, but like so many of the population she couldn't quite make it happen consistantly. Today would be a tough day for staying on track... It was August Bank Holiday today, a day off work and a day to be with her husband.

She heard him stir upstairs as he headed for the bathroom and she turned the kettle on to make him his morning cup of tea, he was already sat up in bed when she appeared in the bedroom, he smiled in greeting at her, she smiled back as she placed the cup on the bedside table. He took this for granted. How many other men were brought a cup or tea every morning in bed she wondered, she didn't mind though, it was just part of the routine they had created, the routine that meant they were a team, always working together, pulling together against the outside world. Her husband, her rock.

7th August

Another day off work and it is gloriously sunny :-)

Up at 4:30 ish, let Eddie out then headed back to bed, by 5:30 he woke me again... Toyed with closing the doggies in kennel and heading back to my cosy bed, but I was awake and wanted to get my workout in before handsome woke up...

Full workout done...then brekkie on the decking...

* holiday moment*