11 days later

So here is my first report since I started this blog up again.... yes, I know I did say I would blog at least once a week... I honestly didn't realise it had been so long!

Thing is I don't really have anything good to report. I have been on and off the food, on and off the workouts, on and off drinking water. So no progress has been made really.

I am wondering what's missing? What is stopping me getting this sorted...?

Logistics: I have a treadmill, a spin bike, a dual cable stand, free weights, I have an Ipod Deck, I have workout music, I have a sports bra, I have gym kit, I have a fab kitchen, a delivery of healthy foods once a week, farm shops close by for topping up....so everything is there for me to do this.

Wanting: Some people will say I don't want it enough... oh I do want it enough, I've wanted it for years, it is a long term dream. I think it is unfair to say I don't want it enough. However I procrastinate on it.... I have no deadline, I have the rest of my life so I can do it tomorrow, if I am tired I will take a day off and do it tomorrow. I have no urgency around my goal.

Support: My husband works out, he eats ok. He wants this 'fit lifestyle' too. He supports me but doesn't say much to encourage or to force me. I know he doesn't want to tell me I'm fat and need to workout, I know he doesn't want to force me to do it, he wants me to want to do it, so he stays quiet and is there in the gym when I want him to be and looking at me disapprovingly when I eat the wrong food.
The people around me don't understand why I want this - why do you want to look like that? Just have another biscuit..etc etc, I used to take pride in these moments, these moments made me feel like I was different, somehow better because I didn't want to do what everyone else was doing...but now I have become like them. The boards used to encourage me, each morning I would log on and discuss my situation, my feelings, my food, my workout with like minded people... most of us transferred to facebook, the posts and discussions have become fleeting sentences rather than us all pouring our hearts out with the struggles and the highs of this lifestyle. Life has also take over for a lot of us and we are all finding it difficult to stay on track and keep each other accountable. So I think the people around me have 'rubbed' off on me because I haven't much encouragement towards my fitness goals, I aren't in discussions daily about it with like minded people who can hold me accountable. The only person to hold me accountable is me and I do tend to cheat on myself!!

Just Do It: This is the only thing I can rely on at the moment. If I do it and I get a momentum going, chances are I will continue and this continuation itself will motivate me to progress, I just have to take the first steps.

So today I am up early enough for brekkie and a workout, I do appear to have a little puppy (or big puppy as he is about 50lbs and only 6 months) who seems to want to keep me accountable as he has started wanting to get up at around 4am which is perfect timing for my brekkie & workouts!

I have inherited a Eat Clean companion and I am going to use it to track my food starting today. I am aslo going to blog daily... even if it is just for me to hold myself accountable, then I will hold myself accountable to this blog!!