Is this the 'depression'? is it time of the month? Is it the fact that with nothing planned for the day my thoughts wander to my troubles? Maybe i am lacking those feel good hormones that come from working out? Who knows? But right now I need to work through my thoughts because right now I am sad.
I am sad that I don't feel I give 100% to any endeavour, I am sad that I can't get a grip if my fitness, of my finances, of running my house smoothly. I am sad that I feel disappointed in myself, sad that I am kinda waiting for all the good stuff to end. Nothing good has ever lasted for me, it always comes crashing down around me ... It's been going ok for a while now....
I haven't got sickness, I haven't got injuries,people around me are healthy and safe. I just feel guilty and like a big imposter, like they are all gonna realise I am not good enough... To be their wife, daughter In law, to live in this house, to live the fit life.
I feel bad writing this... Like I am being self indulgent, holding a pity party for 1...but it's my blog about how I feel, about my journey and if I don't log this how will I remember how i got through this?
There is only one way through it... To be proactive, to work out what's wrong and baby steps to making it right..
If I do nothing and stand still the things around me will get worse whilst I stand there with my head in the sand....
