Is this the 'depression'? is it time of the month? Is it the fact that with nothing planned for the day my thoughts wander to my troubles? Maybe i am lacking those feel good hormones that come from working out? Who knows? But right now I need to work through my thoughts because right now I am sad.
I am sad that I don't feel I give 100% to any endeavour, I am sad that I can't get a grip if my fitness, of my finances, of running my house smoothly. I am sad that I feel disappointed in myself, sad that I am kinda waiting for all the good stuff to end. Nothing good has ever lasted for me, it always comes crashing down around me ... It's been going ok for a while now....
I haven't got sickness, I haven't got injuries,people around me are healthy and safe. I just feel guilty and like a big imposter, like they are all gonna realise I am not good enough... To be their wife, daughter In law, to live in this house, to live the fit life.
I feel bad writing this... Like I am being self indulgent, holding a pity party for 1...but it's my blog about how I feel, about my journey and if I don't log this how will I remember how i got through this?
There is only one way through it... To be proactive, to work out what's wrong and baby steps to making it right..
If I do nothing and stand still the things around me will get worse whilst I stand there with my head in the sand....
You should really see a doctor and or a psychologist to help you through this time of questionning in your life. Reading your blog I could relate as I've been down that path. Then I was put on medication to help and within a month my mood started to lift up and I started to see a beter life for myself. I also read the book the secret by Rhonda Byrne during that time and it helped put thing into perspective as it helped me see the bright side of things instead of the dark side.
ReplyDeleteReally girl, get some help please.