When I look at myself from the outside I don't like what I see, I mean everything about me is acceptable but I don't feel it is what I can be. I can be better than this. I want to be better than this. I am better than this.
Deep down inside I feel sad and low that I am not what I want to be. Maybe it would feel better if I excelled at an area of my life, but I don't feel like that, I feel like I am average in all areas of my life. I am not the best wife I can be, I am not as good as I could be at fitness, at work I am average.
Average - that is definitely the word that I feel describes me. I am dull, neutral, not here, not there. I lovely husband, I don't see what he sees in me. I feel dragged down and lethargic by my own feelings about myself.
I am not confident or strong (mentally or physically). I have no energy, no real zest for life... Oh I have my moments every now and again....
I am not on the right path to where I want life to be and my constant failure to make myself better is knocking me lower each time. I don't even want to think about where life may take me if I continue down this path, I've read the secret and I don't want to give it any energy, but I know by the fact I refuse to think about it that it isn't a good future! I don't want my life to change... I love my husband, I love my dogs, I lovely family and I love my house. What I need is to make it better, to make me better so that I can relax and be happy in my life. I want this to stop, this constant hate and anger at myself, it affects everything I do and everyone around me.
So what are 5 most important accomplishments I need to make, within 12 weeks, for me to be pleased with myself and feel like I am changing for the better?
1, I was going to say weight loss, but then I realised that the number on the scale really isn't very important to me. What matters is my body shape, my fitness, my leanness ... So number 1 is fitting into my size 12 clothes comfortably.
When I fit into my clothes I will feel good, I will not be sat at work feeling uncomfortable or feeling fat. I will feel good on the golf course. I will fit into my sexy underwear and feel sexy! I will feel happy to go anywhere and won't be trying to cover my muffin top, my arms, my bum etc....
2, feeling proud & sexy due to size 12 clothes will not cover everything. Removing junk from my diet will make me feel good on the inside and this will radiate through to the outside, my skin will improve, my hair and nails will grow. So my second change must be an 80% clean diet with a massive reduction in junk.
3, the other side if that has to be the workouts. I want working out to become a part of my life, to be a habit. I just get up and do it. This needs to be an 80% if not a 90% habit
4, the chatter needs to stop. I need to get rid of the constant negativity that flows around my head. I do not want to keep knocking myself down and holding myself back. I want to feel the freedom that comes from self belief and acceptance, but I won't find this whilst I keep failing.
5, no more insecurity in my relationship which is caused by no one but me. I want to build that intimacy and improve the bond that we already have.
1, within 12 weeks I will be a size 12!
2, within 12 weeks I will be less than 28% body fat
3, within 12 weeks I will be eating clean at least 90% of the time
4, within 12 weeks I will have made working out a part of my life
5, within 12 weeks I will like myself
How many more weeks do I want to feel like shit about myself and let life pass me by? Haven't I wasted enough time already?
By the end of June this will all be behind me and I will be feeling great!!!!
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