It's so easy to be horrid to ourselves... too easy!
I find that I have so many reasons to tell myself that I am not good enough that it is weighing me down (in more ways than one probably!). I do not live up to my own expectations - but isn't that because I am trying to be Perfect... Yes Lacey I did take note of your recent comment.... :-)
I often tell myself that I don't want to be perfect - 'We are perfect because of our imperfections' (Jillian Michaels), but I do want to be the BEST ME that I can be and when I know I could do better I get frustrated and disappointed in myself.
I wanna be kind to me and this means eradicating some of the things that make me nasty to me....
1, The scales..... the lbs no longer matter in my weight loss fitness journey. The lbs are a guideline, but they are most definitly not what tells me if I am doing well. I will reduce weigh ins to 1 x monthly as each time I see a number over 150lbs I am disappointed in myself!
2, Figure Comp... I have wanted to do one for years, I keep giving myself a deadline and failing to reach the target, so I will not put myself under this pressure anymore. There are several competitions I could do if I choose to over the next year... but right now I am not thinking about them. When I have leaned down considerably I will then look and see if there is one within the next 15 weeks and then start to prep. So now I have made this decision I can stop berating myself over not being dedicated to this goal.
3, Counting every single calorie... This can't be good for your mental health really when you think about it (unless you are in contest prep) so my target each day is to eat as cleanly as possible and hydrate well. I am not restricting my food at all. I will eat when I am ready and reasonable qty's. I am allowed to cheat, but not every meal or everyday.
So I am following in a fellow M&F Hers'er Michelle and starting Project Me and I am going to start to give myself a bit of a break... the weight doesn't matter, competing doesn't matter (right now). The only thing that matters at the moment is making the right choices and being consistant!
I wanted this blog to be the best thing I had ever written, something that would inspire others, help people to lose weight and help others make a decision on competing. As well as a log I wanted there to be lots of helpful posts about different things I am experiencing at different times. I wanted it to be perfect.
Searching for this perfection has stopped me coming by and writing:
'I'll blog tomorrow when I have more time to think about what I will write'
'I haven't got anything great in my head to talk about right now so I'll do it later'
Then over a week passes and if there is anyone out there who is checking this blog out for inspiration then I have to say I cannot have inspired you at all!!!
I am learning that this is a bad habit of mine.... I don't have time right now to clean the bathroom properly so I'll do it later..... wouldn't it be better to just clean the loo or the sink and then if something comes up and I don't get a chance then at least the sink or loo has been cleaned...?
I'm learning and taking a step at a time. I have gone through this process before so I do know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but the one thing I don't wanna do this time is to 're-learn' it all again in a year or so, when I am putting the weight back on because I have let everything slide! This time is the last time I go through this process... after this I want to be living the Healthy, Fit Life forever!!!
(I promise to blog more in future!)
You'll get the same results as you have always got!
So time to analyze and work out whats wrong:
Weight Training:
I plan to do 45 mins training each day - 2 x lower body, and then 3 days upper (alternating between Back/Biceps and Chest/Should/Tricep).
But - it isn't often I get through the full week and on average I would say I make it to Wednesday so I actually only get 3 workouts in.
Cardio:
I plan on anything between 30 to 45 mins cardio after work each night. It is touch and go whether I make it... main excuses being - too tired, can't be bothered, need to tidy house.
Food:
I plan for 1500 cals a day - 40% carb, 30% pro & 30% fat... I tend to overeat on chocolate cookies, on treats and large portions. I can be flaky on pre-planning which causes bad choices. I generally blow the weekends out of the water with food and drink
Water:
I plan to drink 2l a day (not including gym water). I am lucky if I drink 1 glass!!
Mindset:
Should be upbeat and focussed, tend to be negative with no self belief.
So I definitly need to make some changes and become more aware of the slip ups.
And just to put this into calorie perspective....
In-daily = 2000x5 + 3000x2 = 16000
Out-daily-weights = 300x3 = 900
Out-daily-cardio = 400x2 = 800
Out-AMR=1535x7 = 10745
So grand total of: 3,555 extra that I have eaten compared to what I have burned.... no wonder that I seem to have put on 4 to 6 lb since my holiday in September (and the calorie intake up here was quite conservative I felt!!!)
Sort your self out missus!!!
Yes, I am struggling this week. I have continued down the path that I was on unble to bring myself back in line and under control.
I don't know what is wrong with me this week...
I can't blame work because it has been a good week...
I can't blame stress at home because it has been a good week....
I did blame Sunday for a while, we had a late night and I thought this had knocked me off track...
I do blame my flu jab that I had last week, because I have felt a bit under the weather this week...
But most of all I blame myself...
So what was stopping me eating well? I can't come up with a good reason, but I can come up with loads as to why I should've!
So what was stopping me going to the gym? Again, no good reason, but a list as long as my arm for why I should've!
I realised something yesterday, maybe it has sent me into a small depression, but I have slowly been getting to big for my clothes again.... when I first came back from holiday I realised that my golf trousers were getting a little uncomfortable for 4 hours of golf, so I put them at the back of my wardrobe and moved on to some older ones 'I'll be back wearing them in a couple of weeks...' now I realise the same has happened with my work trousers.... I've either been ignoring it or something because it didn't really hit me until yesterday. I also hopped on the scales... not a good result.. 156.6lbs, in my head I think I am around 150lb max, in fact I told myself when I first got below 150 that I would never go above it again, 150 was my WARNING sign, my ALARM BELL and I have slowly put on more and more weight! I am not just a couple of lbs over I am a lot over!
Ok so that's where I am at right now... I am down about it, I am pissed off about it... I have wallowed a bit since I realised, but I have two choices don't I?
1, Carry on... continue not putting in the effort, continue not tracking food, continue only going to the gym when you totally feel like it ------- All I see down this path is getting bigger and more depressed, this path saddens and scares me.
2, Pull myself together... start logging food, tracking cals, going to the gym, keeping organised and prepared ------- This path takes me to a great place, a place of wellbeing and happiness, a place of not berating myself for making the bad choice, this path excites me.
So I have got to no I want to no I am taking a step on the ladder, baby steps.. but this time I have got to get my head in it with me. Time to really focus on my goals and making life what I want it to be!!
Forgive me Health and Fitness Lord for I have sinned!
I have had the laziest, most unplanned, un prep'd few days!
And my punishment will surely be an increase in kgs, in bodyfat and in jiggle!
I won't even bother to log everything that I have eaten and there is no exercise or workouts to log from the weekend, but as I am confessing here is the full statement:
Thursday - went ok, ended on Lasagne, Chips, beans, onion rings, garlic bread and wine. Worked out - weights and cardio
Friday - started well, ended with Parkin, bonfire toffee, sausages and wine. Worked out - weights
Saturday - A healthy breakfast started the day - no exercise, ended on Dominos pizza and wine
Sunday - Again started well with the best of intentions, ended with steak, chips, peas, onion rings, peppersauce and beer.
Highlights and lowlights of the weekend:
Bonfire Night - a couple of hours standing in the rain under a golf umbrella with the heat of a huge fire warming my face. Watching the amazing firework show with the other 4-5,000 people who were there.
MG's neck - Hubby has hurt his neck doing Shoulder Presses, he is in quite a bit of pain and not able to move very well - especially 1st thing in the morning - this put paid to any golfing plans we had!
Strictly Come Dancing - Robbie Savage, James Jordan and ... erm Russell Grant are fast becoming my guilty pleasues.
Pete Griffin - MG's artist Uncle came to see us.. a few drinks and great conversation followed.
So I will chalk this weekend down and move on. I can't move straight on now as everything is unorganised and messed up. I need to line up my ships before I can start the attack again... so the ships that need lining up by the end of today are:
- Tiredness... after a late night last night I need to get some kip and stop that hunger hormone raging through my body
- House ... is a pigsty, the 1st hour of my arrival home will be time to blitz
- Prep... 2nd hour of being at home will be making tea and prepping food for tomorrow. I know by plenty of experience that and un-prepped Gayle is a tempted Gayle
- Gym... getting back to working out 1st thing tomorrow will get me back on the wagon.
Weight target for Friday is 69.7...... drink plenty of water, get on the eating and training wagon and I might just pull this back in line!!!!
So the week went something like this:
Friday 28th - 71.4kg/30.1%
Saturday - Played golf (11 holes), Ate well...some treats, Cinema and Meal out at night.
Sunday - Played golf (full round - scored 135 - not good!), Ate well, some treats
Monday - 70.3/ 29.7% Back into it, Ate clean, Leg workout & cardio completed
Tuesday - Ate clean, Chest/Should/Tricep workout, No cardio - worked late. Tempted to go for easy food option, but stuck to my guns and ate clean instead.
Wednesday - 69.7kg/ 29.3% Still eating clean, Back & bicep workout and Cardio
Thursday - Ate clean during day - cheat meal at night (lasagne, fries, beans, garlic bread & glass of wine), Leg workout and some cardio... found it really hard and only managed 25mins
Friday 70.5kg/ 29.7% - weight increase must be down to cheat meal, but is still on target would have been ahead of target without cheat meal ... :-( Fell off wagon a little - Bonfire Night...
So I am pleased with myself... I have got myself back on track, still need to tweek a few things and force myself to do the chores that I need to do to keep myself organised. My arms are feeling great... but I know the majority of effort needs to be in Cardio to burn the body fat off.... I reckon once it's gone my body will be quite muscle-y... just need to remove this fat layer!!!
So targets for next week are:
1, Track food properly!!!
2, Stay organised
3, Hit as many workouts as poss!!!
Bring it on!
I don't really get it.... I go along with it, but I don't get it.
Some bloke called Guy Fawkes is caught trying to blow up the houses of parliament years ago and so each year now everyone in UK builds a big bonfire and lets fireworks go to celebrate...
For my hubby this is a milestone in the year... New Year, Vacation, Summer, His birthday, My birthday, Bonfire Night, Christmas.
So tonight we will go out to 'Rothwell Park', we'll be a wrapped up with hats, scarves, wellies etc...This year he has been plannng the 'goodies' to eat all week, so we'll be taking Oxtail Soup in a flask (urgh!), my mum will make Bonfire toffee and I have Yorkshire Parkin. We'll watch the fire burn and 'ooh ' and 'aah' at the fireworks whilst Hubby has his goodies and then within a couple of hours we'll be back at home, all our clothes smelling of smoke.
Now don't get me wrong I enjoy it and I always have a good time, but it seems such a strange tradition!!
