Struggling.....

Yes, I am struggling this week. I have continued down the path that I was on unble to bring myself back in line and under control.

I don't know what is wrong with me this week...
I can't blame work because it has been a good week...
I can't blame stress at home because it has been a good week....
I did blame Sunday for a while, we had a late night and I thought this had knocked me off track...
I do blame my flu jab that I had last week, because I have felt a bit under the weather this week...
But most of all I blame myself...

So what was stopping me eating well? I can't come up with a good reason, but I can come up with loads as to why I should've!

So what was stopping me going to the gym? Again, no good reason, but a list as long as my arm for why I should've!

I realised something yesterday, maybe it has sent me into a small depression, but I have slowly been getting to big for my clothes again.... when I first came back from holiday I realised that my golf trousers were getting a little uncomfortable for 4 hours of golf, so I put them at the back of my wardrobe and moved on to some older ones 'I'll be back wearing them in a couple of weeks...' now I realise the same has happened with my work trousers.... I've either been ignoring it or something because it didn't really hit me until yesterday. I also hopped on the scales... not a good result.. 156.6lbs, in my head I think I am around 150lb max, in fact I told myself when I first got below 150 that I would never go above it again, 150 was my WARNING sign, my ALARM BELL and I have slowly put on more and more weight! I am not just a couple of lbs over I am a lot over!

Ok so that's where I am at right now... I am down about it, I am pissed off about it...  I have wallowed a bit since I realised, but I have two choices don't I?
1, Carry on... continue not putting in the effort, continue not tracking food, continue only going to the gym when you totally feel like it ------- All I see down this path is getting bigger and more depressed, this path saddens and scares me.
2, Pull myself together... start logging food, tracking cals, going to the gym, keeping organised and prepared ------- This path takes me to a great place, a place of wellbeing and happiness, a place of not berating myself for making the bad choice, this path excites me.

So I have got to no I want to no I am taking a step on the ladder, baby steps.. but this time I have got to get my head in it with me. Time to really focus on my goals and making life what I want it to be!!