Inspired by Lacey ....

Inspired by catching up on the blog by Lacey has meant I wanna make a few goal for my week ahead....

1- no takeaways, no junk, make every meal from scratch and make at least 2 of those new recipes 

2- gym time.... Only 1 day between today and Friday can be skipped

3- 1 glass of wine max per evening & look into an alternate habit to end this alcoholic one!

Another summersday ...

After the terrible weather last week, everything has been lifted again thanks to some sunshine! Work is on a break for me until next Friday and this week I wanna use to relax, to be active, to cook loads of new clean food and to do something to get myself in the right frame of mind again! 

So I pulled together my 'at my worst' info and came up with the pics below.. These are in 2008, I weighed 75kg, I hated my short hair, a had a stressful job, a wine habit and an inconsistent gym routine, I wasn't happy with myself, I was uncomfortable in my skin. It was on seeing these pics that I made up my mind to change and that never again in my life would I look back on pictures that held great memories with the feeling of embarrassment I did when I saw these...

Today I have short hair that I don't love, my job isn't as stressful nowadays, I have a wine habit (in fact I know there is a glassful left in an open bottle and I know there are two more bottles chilling in the fridge.... Not all for tonight, these should last me around 4 days!!), I am inconsistent with my eating and with the gym... And I weigh 74kg..  Talk about full circle!!

This doesn't make me sad or regretful, More so, it tells me I did it once I can do it again, what bothers me is that I was able to take my eye off the ball enough to end up at square 1, something didn't 'gel' on the 'lifestyle change' so I need to reflect on that ... Was I too strict? I definitely got the bulk of the weight off in the first few months...?

So first off what other matches are there? The wine is definitely one match, a bad habit I had then that I also have now... What else? Inconsistent food... The 'I will make a better choice later' or the 'I deserve this treat' factor... In consistent gym workouts, mindfulness... I have worked so hard to focus on now that I don't think of my future... Oh yeh the wine tastes and feels good now... What about when I am a stone heavier in the future will I regret it?

I am 37 now and I am aware that the illnesses may come sooner rather than later... I could be in my last decade of 'healthfulness' what choices I make today really do matter!

It is time I took responsibility for my life... Where I am going, who I wanna be... 5 years on and I still don't wanna be the 'chubby' girl in these pics!!

 

It's not me...

I have been thinking a lot...
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I do this?
Why can't I motivate myself?
Why can't u say no to junk food?
Why don't I have the dedication to not snooze my alarm?

Of course each of these questions is another negative thought about myself but I did have a brainwave over the weekend... It's not me, it's not that something is wrong with me, that I am not as strong as others...it is the paths that I have created and continued to instil in my head!
The first time I laid in the bath with a glass of wine a created a connection a neural pathway taking me from 'bath' & 'wine' to feeling good and relaxation, the 2nd time I did it I made that pathway a bit clearer, the third time I ground out that path a little more until after a good 100 times that path is pretty much gouged well and truly into my head.... Wanna relax & feel good... Oh yeah, drink wine in bath!!

This is why I don't even think about what I am doing I just take the path I know, this has happened over all sorts of things... The pathways used to link good stuff to good stuff but they have got a little skewed over the last year...
So I gotta start building those new pathways like:
'early start' & 'gym' means feeling great
'Iced green tea' & 'bath' means refreshed & re-energised.

Now I can stop thinking that I am just rubbish and start building some new pathways!!

Simple Saturdays

I was awake for a long time last night... I don't know how long because I refuse to check the time, I get stressed about not sleeping and if I can time it that makes it worse! I kept trying to visualise a time when I have completed this goal, this used to be mega fit me walking down the beach in front of whichever hotel we were heading for with the mantra 'I am not looking back on these holiday photos and feeling fat'. Thing is I couldn't come up with an image...? What does that mean?

I didn't get up as early as I wanted, but I still headed to the gym I put 'Jodie Marsh' bodybuilding show in tv to inspire means worked out whilst watching her journey to taking 1st at a fitness comp. I worked out my legs and shoulders, but didnt want to do too much cardio because I might be burning around 1,000 calories playing golf this afternoon, so I just did a 4 min tabata blast on treadmill... Wow that was tuff!!!!

So I followed my positive morning with a healthy brekkie and an episode of biggest loser... It's nearly the final and the contestants are heading home and looking back and I blubbed my way through it.... I wanna look back and feel like they do!!

We played golf but I faded fast thanks to my lack of sleep, we finished at 11 holes and headed home.

Once bathed we ate chicken in Parma ham and Philadelphia dauphinois potatoes and then settled in to watch Eurovision Song Contest - I fell asleep during scoring at around 10:30!

Not a bad day!