27th November 95 data to the Arnold

Daily journal... 27th November - 95 days till the Arnold.... Turned to sleep at around 9pm... Eddie threw up, so had to get up and clean up, back to bed around 9.30... Okay nights sleep - don't remember waking during the night....
Alarm went off at 4am... I snoozed it and debated about getting up... I felt shattered so decided to skip gym and go back to sleep. Eddie wouldn't settle so I got up and decided to go to gym, by the time I had let Eddie out and boiled kettle i had decided to go back to bed... Slept on and off until 5:40ish, Eddie really wasn't happy to be back in bed so was up and down pattering around the room... Fianlly got up and had a coffee, then it was a mad rush to get ready for work... Arrived at work frustrated again.... left house in a rush, feel unorganised, dogs haven't been walked etc, etc This is one of the things that I am mega pee'd off at myself for... I am making life hard and it really doesn't have to be! Basically, I didn't sleep much after 4am anyay... if I had got up and headed into the gym I would have felt much better and been a better doggy mommy! Food: Hot Lava Java Coffee....Ting! Coffee Oat so Simple pot Apple Coffee 2 x Oatcakes Veggie Soup Steak Crisps Cake & Coffee...why? Just because it was there... I can't even think of an excuse... I wasn't hungry, my sweet tooth was just shouting!! Crunchie .. I was at least hungry!!! Coming down from the sugar... feel really crappy, headachy, even a bit like I am coming down with cold... this isn't worth the feeling. It really isn't!! God I am peeved at myself... why would i choose to make myself feel like this?
I am not at work tomorrow - day off and I am worried how I am going to deal with it when I so need to start making the right choices and eating reasonably. Changing the way I eat is worth it if I feel better than I do today. It is also completely possible as i have proved time and time again!!!
The rest of the day went in the same way ... Hey once you've one flat tyre may as well slash the other 3!!!

Mind Matters..

Mind Matters I learn this lesson over and over when it comes to my fitness, my nutrition, my attitude.... my mind holds the greatest power over everything else that then follows...

Tuesday 27th Nov.... Only 28 days till Christmas, 35 days till 2013 and interestingly around 95 days until the Arnold Classic.

Does the Arnold Classic matter to me.... well I won't be attending or competing or anything like that, but I don't have any holidays planned next year, no major plans to be in a bikini anytime soon, so when I saw Nicole Wilkins Lee comment on facebook that yesterday was the day that she usually starts her Arnold Classic prep I thought it was a good date for me to look to also...I have dreams of being a figure athlete and competing so why not use this as a countdown.

Lets face it that is just over 3 months... perfect for forming new habits, 3 months for my body to totally regenerate every living cell... And looking back at the past year - 3 months will be gone in no time!!!

But making this new goal is all well and good... great so by the time the Arnold classic is here I want to be body perfect, now I can say that as much as I want... making it happen is another thing it seems...

I have the tools in place - Iphone with workout log apps, with food log apps, with app's for blogging. I have the knowledge - god I have been reading up on this stuff for 10 years now, I have a large library of read and re-read Oxygen's, Muscle & Fitness & Fitness RX mags as well as every clean eating book, Jillian Michaels book and Jackie Warner literature I could afford to buy. I have a gym including a treadmill, a spin bike, free weights and a dual cable machine. I have a daily routine that would make this fitness lifestyle work... it's actually sticking to it that is the problem!

So I think journalling has been a tool that I haven't been using very well recently. I do feel that it is something I need to do... Writing regularly, keeps me focussed and helps me to analyse why I do something and to keep it all in balance. It gives me something to review.

Gotta take pics/ gotta do measurements... reality sucks and I am managing to ignore it at the moment....
So I hereby promise to journal at least 3 x per week...

I want this to work and I need to invest the time for planning and tracking.

80 days to go...

My countdown is until my first goal... The Xmas pressie... Skinny jeans that I will get into!!
So today ... Sat 6th October:
Back/ biceps workout, am loving my time in the gym, just me, my music, my thoughts and the iron. I am invincible during that 45 mins, nothing stresses me. Then I did 30 mins on treadmill, no intervals down to the leftovers of a bit of cold last week, but I did the time lol!
Food hasn't been great, am kinda allowing myself to slack off coz we are looking after our nephew (14yo) and he doesn't exactly like his greens!
TGI Friday for lunch and I was really tempted with the salads, but something in my head went for the phily steak and cheese sandwich, which I didn't enjoy and ave been kicking myself since for not going with my gutt and ordering salad, thing is they may very well be as many calories in the salad, but there would have been a damn site more goodness too!!!
Chillin in the bath now with light beer, thinking about my goals and how I can do better tomorrow!

Round up ...

So I started to take this seriously on Saturday. No more excuses, no more 'doing it tomorrow' etc etc.

I did well on Saturday - full workout: Back, Biceps and Cardio... food was OK (didn't track it though) and I had a little bit of alcohol.

Sunday, started well, but we ended up in the pub at 2.30pm... didn't leave until 6.30 ish and then had the friends we met come back to our house so didn't stop drinking until 8.30pm and only ate 2 meals in the day.

Monday - so proud that I didn't let the excesses the day before knock me back. I got up, I trained Chest, Shoulders, Triceps. I ran for 30 mins with intervales, I ate every meal as planned, I tracked my food, I reduced my coffee and increased my water and I didn't have a beer ... yay me!!!

Tuesday - still on it, trained legs (squat day!), I did 30 mins spinning, I ate clean, I ate every meal... I drank more coffee than yesterday, I didn't drink much water at all, but still no beer

Wednesday - ouch... my whole body was hurting, I would say I need disable handrails to sit down, but my shoulders & chest are also sore that I can't put the weight on them to ease myself into my chair! My alarm went off at 3.51am...eh? So I fed Eddie and headed back to bed.... slept on and off until 6.20. Got a burning in my sinus. I keep looking at my food for today and it is so not interesting me... need a slightly different food plan I think.... by 11.30 already had 2 x sweets & 2 x choc biscuits. Kinda blew it for the rest of the day.

 

Thursday - Woke up, feel terrible, definitly got some kind of cold.... no workout and lets just say 'I fed the cold'

 

Friday - Pretty much the same as Thursday I'm afraid!!

So much for the best laid plans huh?? I think the talking to I gave myself in the last post lasted form almost a week, then it was my Hubby's birthday weekend and everything fell apart again!!

So here I am typing on this blog again, no sense of purpose, no sense of direction and definitely no motivation. I feel like I need a bit of time to myself to get my head together, but life is so busy nowadays there never seems the time!!

I am not moaning (well I am, but not at my life, just at my mind). If I say to myself - give up Gayle, give up on this silly idea of being 'ultra-fit', you obviously don't want it enough and you are obviously never going to be good enough to do it, then my whole being screams back NO, I want this I just have to sort myself out and then I will be able to do it.

So when I say sort myself out - what am I thinking of? I need a goal list, not just a thought in my mind of 'just want to lose weight' I gotta do better than that, be more specific. I gotta sort my daily routine out so that I am fitting it in, getting it done etc....

Need to start taking some baby steps or I will never get there:

1, Eat clean & drink water today
2, Please try not to go near anything with sugar (lets start kicking that habit)
3, Make a calorie plan and weight goal spreadsheet
4, Be prepared & organised for tomorrow
5, Work out a plan for the morning so you know what time to get up etc...
6, Be here in the morning to keep yourself accountable!!

11 days later

So here is my first report since I started this blog up again.... yes, I know I did say I would blog at least once a week... I honestly didn't realise it had been so long!

Thing is I don't really have anything good to report. I have been on and off the food, on and off the workouts, on and off drinking water. So no progress has been made really.

I am wondering what's missing? What is stopping me getting this sorted...?

Logistics: I have a treadmill, a spin bike, a dual cable stand, free weights, I have an Ipod Deck, I have workout music, I have a sports bra, I have gym kit, I have a fab kitchen, a delivery of healthy foods once a week, farm shops close by for topping up....so everything is there for me to do this.

Wanting: Some people will say I don't want it enough... oh I do want it enough, I've wanted it for years, it is a long term dream. I think it is unfair to say I don't want it enough. However I procrastinate on it.... I have no deadline, I have the rest of my life so I can do it tomorrow, if I am tired I will take a day off and do it tomorrow. I have no urgency around my goal.

Support: My husband works out, he eats ok. He wants this 'fit lifestyle' too. He supports me but doesn't say much to encourage or to force me. I know he doesn't want to tell me I'm fat and need to workout, I know he doesn't want to force me to do it, he wants me to want to do it, so he stays quiet and is there in the gym when I want him to be and looking at me disapprovingly when I eat the wrong food.
The people around me don't understand why I want this - why do you want to look like that? Just have another biscuit..etc etc, I used to take pride in these moments, these moments made me feel like I was different, somehow better because I didn't want to do what everyone else was doing...but now I have become like them. The boards used to encourage me, each morning I would log on and discuss my situation, my feelings, my food, my workout with like minded people... most of us transferred to facebook, the posts and discussions have become fleeting sentences rather than us all pouring our hearts out with the struggles and the highs of this lifestyle. Life has also take over for a lot of us and we are all finding it difficult to stay on track and keep each other accountable. So I think the people around me have 'rubbed' off on me because I haven't much encouragement towards my fitness goals, I aren't in discussions daily about it with like minded people who can hold me accountable. The only person to hold me accountable is me and I do tend to cheat on myself!!

Just Do It: This is the only thing I can rely on at the moment. If I do it and I get a momentum going, chances are I will continue and this continuation itself will motivate me to progress, I just have to take the first steps.

So today I am up early enough for brekkie and a workout, I do appear to have a little puppy (or big puppy as he is about 50lbs and only 6 months) who seems to want to keep me accountable as he has started wanting to get up at around 4am which is perfect timing for my brekkie & workouts!

I have inherited a Eat Clean companion and I am going to use it to track my food starting today. I am aslo going to blog daily... even if it is just for me to hold myself accountable, then I will hold myself accountable to this blog!!

Phoenix Rising

Ok, so the title of this post basically means that I am starting again...

GOALS:
My goal has always been to hit around 135lbs, and I reckon I can get damn close by Xmas, another goal of mine has always been to have some All Saints jeans... now the waist size for these is 30 inches...so this is going to be what will be on my Xmas List.

There are other goals... I want to eat clean, be fit, be healthy, live a long active life, disease free...there are lots of them, but for the time being I am only going to focus on those jeans!!!

PLAN:
Now I don't really believe in deprivation diets, I think they just lead to the day where you decide you have reached your goals and you start eating again and guess what - you are back where you started, I am proof of that.... Having lost nearly 25lbs I have put it all back on when I have started to eat the things I had banned for so long... luckily I have stopped before I have gone over what I weighed at the beginning, but I feel rubbish about myself and don't want to come back here again.
Foodwise then, I plan to eat clean... to fill myself up on lean protein, veggies, complex carbs, healthy fats and drink my water.I don't want to count calories... I no longer believe all calories are created equally!!
Training - will be daily weights & cardio, I will start at 30mins of each until I am in the routine of my early mornings again, then I will increase the time as I move closer to Christmas. Currently the cardio will need to be steady state as I have let my fitness levels drop so low that I need to build this up again!

MINDSET:
My head is getting there, but I realise I have to get my head in gear to get my body moving, but I do over analyse things and I have made the decision that I need to take action and my mind will join in as I am remembering how good I feel when I am working out & eating right. At the end of the day do I really want to continue feeling the way I do? No, I wanna start feeling great again. I know I can do it, I have done it before, but this time I am going to do this in a healthy way, where I can eat good food in abundance.
The other important thing to think about is getting organised... If I'm not organised at home, with food prep and routines for bed etc then I am not going to do this... It is critical that I get a grip on life!!

TODAYS STATS:
Weight 16.4lbs, 31.6% Body Fat
Chest 103cm
Belly Button 93cm
Hips 109cm

I want to commit to this for 1 month, I will allow a cheat meal each week.

ALCOHOL:
I need to decide on my alcohol intake ... I think I will cave in if I just say none.. for the last 5 months I have had alcohol pretty much everyday, so I will not drink during the week, but I am going to allow myself some on the weekend... but I have some tricks up my sleeve:
Becks Blue.... 50cals per bottle of beer (0% alcohol) ... I don't drink to get drunk so the alcohol level doesn't bother me, it's the taste and the habit that I want....
Banrock Rose - 56 cals per 125ml glass... this is in the cupboard, but I haven't tried it yet.
Echo Falls Spritzer - this is 100 cals per can, this was the alcohol of choice for me during my last weight loss stint.

I will aim to post regularly, the absolute minimum will be once per week as this helps me keep my head in gear and my thoughts on the right track. I am not going to get down on myself. I can and I will do this!!!

Saturday Re-do..

So I have heard that doing a 're-do' helps you to understand how you could have made better choices and prepares you for the next time.

Today didn't go to plan and I guess that started last night with a late night...so probably not enough sleep. Re-do: I would have gone to bed closer to 9pm-ish and would have been full of beans during Saturday.

My alarm went off at 6am, intention was to have brekkie, journal and be ready in time for grocery delivery between 7-8am, but I didn't eat anything until Matt woke up at 7.30am. Matt didn't want to go to gym so I decided not to bother too.
Re-do: I would have eaten my oats & egg whites, journalled and planned for the day. I would have still gone to the gym and left Matt in bed.

After a couple of hours of web surfing, TV watching and a small brekkie of Cottage cheese, mango, oatcakes and a few coffees, we got up and were both starving, we were also running a bit late for being ready for golf. Brekkie was 3x rashers turkey bacon, Wm breadbun, fried egg, mushrooms. Played to an average of 7 per hole.
Re-do: Having already had oats for brekkie and having been to the gym I would have had a protein smoothie and would have been up and about doing stuff not lazing in bed. By now I would be preparing a healthy 'lunch' maybe turkey burgers or egg white omlette before heading to golf.

Arrived at golf with 5 mins to spare, no snacks so bought snickers each.
Re-do: I would have prep'd some Wraps after gym

Snickers didn't satisfy and I was starving by 6pm. I was craving a curry and was shattered, had a bath and then the last thing I want to do is cook...ordered Indian takeaway.
Re-do: I could have prep'd a curry before heading off to golf club ready for cooking when I got home.

Wine - drank plenty
Re-do: Could have drank Spritzers and thereby reduced my calorie intake or even gone for something like White Rum with frozen raspberries and sparkling water ... mmm sounds lovely!!!

I'm sure if I had done as I have re-done I would feel so much better than I do sat here feeling reasonably fat, lazy and tired!!!

What did you do today to succeed?

You know getting off the 'junk' wagon and on the 'fitness' wagon is harder than it should be. It's like taking the step off the platform at the top of a Bungee (I imagine because I haven't ever done a Bungee) but I imagine the rewards are worth the initial braveness and confidence required...

For me getting on the right wagon isn't about braveness, but it is about confidence, confidence in my own abilities, in myself. I have tried this so many times and yet here I am back at (almost) my heaviest weight.. It isn't quite making me miserable yet because I am kinda burying my head in the sand by not trying to wear the clothes that I know won't fit... by not thinking about it too much.

Now what I can say is... 'I know I can lose the weight' I do know this, all I have to do is track my calories and eat the right amount, all I have to do is get back into the gym, once I get into a routine I love going so that's easy.

So why aren't I doing this? Because I am burying my head in the sand and through doing that I am not making myself want it enough.... if I always put on the size 14 pants to wear for work and never try the 12's and realise how tight they are then I will never push myself to get into the Size 12's. Same goes for not thinking about it... If i think about it, it makes me sad and cross that I got my weight to 146lbs and then I let myself balloon back up again, but if I push it out of my mind and get on with the other stuff it doesn't bother me.

Over the last few months I have tried to step away from my negative body image (who wants to be sad about themselves all the time) and I am very cautious at looking at what I don't like about myself because I don't want to end up in a negative pattern again, but unless I take a long hard critical look then I am just going to plod along in the same situation and probably put on more weight and be gutted when I realise I am wearing a Size 18!!!

As I said in a previous post ...I control this, I control what size clothes I wear, I control what I eat, I control what exercise I do, I control whether I am healthy or not and I control the scale.

Right now I wanna get out of the 160's....that is my goal. I don't want to do it in a few weeks, a few months, next year.... I want to do it this week, so that's it decision made ... by Friday I will see a 159 at least on that scale and it starts with making the right choices today!!!

Easter Restart

Where am I right now?
Physically, I am in the worst shape I have been in for a long time. I weigh in at 161lbs & 31% Body Fat. Chest 97.5cm, Belly Button 95cm, Hips 107cm. Now this isn't the biggest I have ever been (note to self -remember those piccys from Cuba) but it is getting up there again!! Considering my target has always been 135lbs... I am way off track!!!
Mentally, I have lost the fire and dedication for my fitness and for my figure competition aspirations. After so many false starts and not finishing, not getting where I want to I have lost the belief that I can do this and since I can't do it I might as well eat chocolate! Underneath all this I am unhappy with the way I look, but am refusing to think about it so I am just sticking my head in the sand I guess...and fooling myself!

Where do I want to be?
Physically, I have touched on this already... my ulitmate goal is 135lbs, but I have such a long way to go now. My first step is to get to 150lbs....this has me at a reasonable weight for my wardrobe and I generally fit most of my clothes. My calculations tell me I can be there by 21st May which is almost 7 weeks away. My Ultimate goal of 135lbs can be reached by 7th Aug.
Mentally, I want my fire and my dedication back. I want to feel good about myself and be rid of the nagging that I should be doing something about it and making myself happy. I want the energy and vitality that comes with the 'fitness lifestyle' I want the confidence and strength.

How do I get there?
Physically, I work out and I eat clean. I follow my plan and I remove the 'extras' the 'little treats' and reduce the wine (which has got quite bad recently!) I suck it up and count calories, eating clean is great but I can't seem to control it as good as when I actually count the pesky calories.
Mentally, I have got to keep my eye on what I want. Yes I have a lot going on in my life at the moment, but for gods sake does eating a biscuit make it any easier than if I didn't eat the biscuit? Whats the choice... move into new house 5 lbs heavier because I didn't sort my head out or move in 5lbs lighter and already doing a good job?   Exactly!
I control the number on the scales - it does not control me!!!!
I need to remember with every good choice or good action I will get stronger, happier and more dedicated and inspired to keep going.... I just need to get through those first few days and then it will be easier!

Ok so plan, track, log and do!!!

2012 Week 1 - review

Ok so last week was half the end of December 2011 and half the beginning of Jan 2012 and all the new routines, new resolutions etc that goes along with that.

I am going to review the week from the day my usual routine started again - i.e back to work on 3rd Jan.
I weighed in at 158.6 & 30.3% Body Fat.

3 Jan
Food - good
lower bod workout - done
40 min cardio - done
4 Jan
Food - clean
Back & Bicep workout complete
40 min cardio done
I am beginning to remember why I love doing this!!
5 Jan

Chest, Shouder, Tricep workout - done
20 mins cardio
Food - clean-ish, had a bottle of beer!

6 Jan weigh in = 156.8 & 29.9, so thats down 1.8lbs
Had a work thing so needed to be in early so no gym today
Food - Ok, but cheat meal night so Fajitas, Doritos, Dips and wine!

 

So all in all not too bad for a start off week!!

 

Week 2:

 

Food:

Still the same targets as last week - 1500 calories per day, except Friday where cheat meal is allowed.

Of that 1500, 100 cals Carbs, 75 cals Protein, 75 cals Fat.

 

Training:

Daily cardio - 40 min session. Bring in HIIT on Wednesdays workout. Also increase treadmill speed from 8.5 kph to 8.8 kph

Weights - 3 day split, Back & Bicep, Lower Body, Chest & shoulders & triceps. Repeated

 

Mindset:

This week I need to continue focussing on the benefits of what I am doing.... 'If I get through this workout the benefits are...' 'If I prep my food tonight the benefits are....'

Also focus on being aware of my food triggers. I was caught out twice last week I don't wanna be caught out again!

 

Holiday:

I am looking forward to my holiday to Borneo and Langkawi... I have ordered some bikini's so when they arrive I am sure they will help me to focus..

 

Competition:

This is on hold for the time being. I didn't get my ass into gear quick enough, so at the moment my focus is still on trying to kick some of this excess weight. I will review this closer to my holiday. I know there is a competition in June (un-natural though) and then another in November (again un-natural). I haven't yet found any dates for the natural competitions.

 

Life:

This is still about trying to get routines sorted, getting used to going to gym again, getting used to prep'ing food etc. I am also trying to follow my own housework timetable which will mean I can get everything done that I need to do over a 4 week period.

Still in the back of my mind that  want to try extra hard for babies. My recent observation is that my sex drive seems to reduce as I am supposed to be ovulating.. hmm. We are also trying to get into the 'routine' of having sex evey other day - keeps us both happy and increasing the chances... we'll see!!

2012 - The Plan

Okay, so I have gone through the refelctions for 2011, now time to plan for 2012....

Fitness & Nutrition Goals for 2012
Eating clean will be a way of life, not something I do when I can be bothered. It will be my first choice and treats and alcohol will be reduced dramatically.
Heading to the gym will also be a way of life, a habit.
Still want to do a figure competition - This is a definite possibility for this year!
More specific S.M.A.R.T goals to follow....

Mental Clarity:
This is the year that I beat procrastination for good. Things will start to be done now, not tomorrow!!!
It is time to focus and dedicate myself. I will prove to myself and to the 'haters' (you know who you are) that I can do this!

Family & Relationships:
Keep going as we are....all good. Put a more emphasis on the physical side!! ;-)
Would like to move house to a grown up house. we have one in mind, so fingers crossed it is still on sale when we are in a position to move.
Track ovulation - I'm getting older, it's time to get a little serious on the kiddy front. I would like it to happen this year (obviously this will knock out any chance of a figure competition!)

Career:
Again continue as I am, continue to grow and become the best I can be.
Hopefully escape redundancies so that we can keep to all other plans!

Extras:
Looking forward to our trip to Borneo/Langkawi in March
Looking forward to clearing all debts
Looking forward to spending more time with my 2 yr old nephew
Looking forward to a healthy, happy, successful 2012