Day 3 - Monday 21st October

The day:

A typical dreary Monday, work is pretty quiet too...

The iron: Lower body

Cable squat 20kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Sl dead lift 20kg 12, 10, 8, 6

Bb squat 20kg 12, 10, 8, 6

Leg ext 10kg 12, 10, 8, 6

Leg curl 15kg 13, 10, 8, 6

Db lunges 12, 10, 8, 6

The fat burner:

Treadmill 8:0 for 30 mins, it was tough after the leg workout, but somehow I made it to the end!

The nutrients:

1, pro latte

2, egg white, oats, banana, pnut butter

3, pro shake & pro muffin

4, sweet pot, broccoli, beef, dark choc

5, cottage cheese, mango, oatcakes

6, philly stuffed chicken wrapped in Parma ham & veg, Becks blue

Calories in 1617, out 516 = 419

Ongoing deficit = 1826

The pink stuff:

None since Thursday... Feeling pretty good about myself!

The routine:

Did really well in the morning, even though I hadn't prepared the night before. We even left at a reasonable time rather than rushing out if the door!!

Day 2 - Sunday 20th October

The Day

Woke at 4:18 to let our eldest dog out, back to bed. Woke at 6:30 to feed the youngest dog, closed them both in kennel and went back to bed.... Didn't wake until 9:30!

So no golf, but we had a good day pottering...

The Iron: chest, shoulders & triceps:

Decline db press 10kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Cable front raise 10kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Rope push down 25kg x 12,10, 8, 6

Seated cable flye 10kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Db lateral raise 3kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Bent over cable ext 25kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Incline bb press 20kg x 12, 10, 5, 6

One arm db shoulder press 5kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Overhead db ext 3kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

The Fat Burner:

35 mins spinning, had more resistance to usual so a great w/o!

The Nutrients:

1, Coffee & 2 x protein muffins

2, kedgeree and coffee

3, protein latte

4, pro shake

5, slow cooked beef, cabbage, veg, gravy

6, chocolate trifle

Drinks: Becks blue, ginger beer

Calories in 1569, out 691= deficit 622

Ongoing deficit = 1410

The Pink Stuff:

Again - nothing alcoholic last night, so far no low feelings or can't be arsed feelings. No plans for alcohol tonight either... And none drunk!!

The Routine:

Err... What routine??

Day 1 - Saturday 19th Oct

Geordie shore is on the telly, protein shake in my hand and am ready to workout... Back & Biceps today I think.

The Iron:

Supersets:
Lateral Pulldown 60kg x 12, 10, 8, 6
Hammer Curl 5kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Seated NG Row 55kg x 12, 10, 8, 6
Cable Curl 20kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Incline Db Row - 5kg x 12, 10, 8, 6
Preacher Db Curl - 5kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

Ng Pulldown - 55kg x 12, 10, 8, 6
Db Incline Curls - 5kg x 12, 10, 8, 6

I didn't feel like I had pushed myself really - but it is day 1....

The Fat Burner:
I hopped on the treadmill, took the speed down to 8.0 and covered the timer up, before I knew it I had hit 20 mins, then 30 mins. Considering I can't remember the last time I breezed through a jog and enjoyed it I am pleased with myself!
Also played golf - to 13th hole... played really well for front 9, but things went downhill on the back 9!!

The Nutrients:
1 - Protein Latte
2 - 2 x Protein pancakes, banana in honey & cinnamon, Natural yoghurt. Coffee
3 - Omelette (Ew & 1 egg, veggies, cheese & parma ham) 1 slice toast & baked beans

4 - Lucozade & Snickers
5 - Cottage Cheese, Mango & Oatcakes, Latte

6 - steak, mediteranean roasted veg, slice of dauphinois potato, 3 onion rings.

2 Becks blue beers & 1 fever tree ginger beer

Total kcals 2,233 - 1,521 in exercise leaves 788 deficit :-)

The Pink Stuff:

My tiredness lifted quicker than normal and the headache wasn't as strong. I didn't feel the urge to just do nothing all day... I actually had a bit of oomph!!

The Routine:

Hmm... This is about getting a routine in my life to make I am efficient and getting stuff done. Still building this, the before 10am stuff went ok but then everything went to pot!!

Winds of change...

Just found this from January this year... Here we are in September and I am still battling with the same feelings!!!

'I don't remember the last time I woke up feeling well. I always feel tired which I guess is normal, but there is always a slight feeling of headachy,sicky, just not right ... The usual low feelings hit me quite quickly if I don't hit the gym. Now I also don't remember the last time I headed for bed without a glass or two of wine whilst chilling out and I am pretty certain the two things are linked! I have researched and reduced the booze a few times only for a bad day at the office to send me reaching for the pink stuff again. So I am experimenting to see if not drinking makes a difference. This morning I woke tired and headachy...and no wine last night, am thinking my body needs to adjust although I don't 'feel' bad...

I am ready to end the negative cycle I am in (and have been in a while). It's gonna take hard work, it's gonna take thought, effort and dedication, but is there anyone out there who wants to live like this -really? Not taking control, not going anywhere? Like the plastic bag Katie Perry talks of in 'firework'. No I don't think anyone does, I think we all fall into the cycle of short term gratification and forget the long term and in the meantime we mess up our bodies and in some cases our lives by not taking responsibility and control. I want control again and I want to make everything right again. Gosh this all sounds a bit like I have had a major drama.. No not at all, but life is passing me by in a haze of wine, food and missed workouts :-)'

Saturday sickness.?.

I could have slept longer, but between the alarm (snoozed) and Eddie (hungry boy) I was forced to get up. I took Matt a cuppa and sat to drink mine. 

'Do you want it or not?' I asked myself angrily as I could feel the effects of the wine from last night and my tiredness giving me excuses to skip my workout.

'Yeh, but I can do it tomorrow or later...'

I am a practised procrastinator over nearly everything I do, I can put things off so well that I am surprised I get anything done. There really is only two choices this morning... Take a step towards my goal or step slightly further away again.

I made it, I am sat on my bench chugging a protein shake, Jodie marsh - bodybuilder on tv for inspiration and rock music blasting for power. I can do this, I can turn my life around and be the strong fit woman competing - I can!

So here is my workout:

	Exercise		Weight (kg)	Reps
	1 Flyes (Cable, Bent Over)	1	15×2	× 8
		2	15×2	× 8
		3	15×2	× 8
		4	15×2	× 8
	2 Bench Press (Barbell)	1	20	× 12
		2	20	× 10
		3	20	× 8
		4	20	× 6
	3 Front Raises (Cable)	1	10	× 12
		2	10	× 10
		3	10	× 8
		4	10	× 6
	4 Cable Pushdowns (Rope)	1	25	× 12
		2	25	× 10
		3	25	× 8
		4	25	× 6
	5 Flyes (Cable, Incline)	1	10×2	× 12
		2	10×2	× 10
		3	10×2	× 8
		4	10×2	× 6
	6 Lateral Raises (Dumbbell)	1	3×2	× 12
		2	3×2	× 10
		3	3×2	× 8
		4	3×2	× 6
	7 Cable Pushdowns (Rope)	1	30	× 12
		2	30	× 12
		3	30	× 12
		4	30	× 12
	8 Bench Press (Dumbbell, Incline)	1	10×2	× 12
		2	10×2	× 10
		3	10×2	× 8
		4	10×2	× 6
	9 One arm standing shoulder press	1	5	× 12
		2	5	× 10
		3	5	× 8
		4	5	× 6
	10 Triceps Extensions (Dumbbell)                    3x 12,10,8,6

Whilst my strength has dropped this was still a tough workout, in fact my arms are shaking whilst I am typing!

Time to jog it out now... Managed a fantastic 13 mins at 8:5.... That's a long way from my 10k I used to run every Saturday morning... But I'll get there....

Shower & brekkie before mum arrives, as normal we put the world to rights, chatting about anything and nothing. I caved and had pain au chocolat with my coffee, but I plan another cardio session later so at least I will work it off!

From there the day went downhill... I began to feel lightheaded, dizzy, generally quite sick...  I figured it was lack of food and inhaled some cottage cheese, raspberries and oatcakes before we went out to run some chores.  The feeling never left me and before I thought about it we were on our way home with 2 huge pizzas.

[note to self ... Must have ingredients ready for the Chicago pizza pie clean recipe I have if I  ever feel like that again!!]

We chilled watching films, bathing and then finally headed to bed 

You can't get fat on a Friday ...

I woke today with a pounding headache from the 2 glasses of wine I had last night and I know today will not be the day that I decide enough is enough, but instead it will be another day where I let myself off and eat as I please and skip the gym. 

I grit my teeth as I search to find a pair of jeans to fit, one that doesn't give me a huge muffin top and find my green jeans, these are the jeans I bought before Christmas, my size 14's, the jeans that by now nearly a year on were meant to have been retired to my 'too big to wear' wardrobe, but instead they are still a critical part of my wardrobe.  I sigh as I flick through the 'All Saints' clothes I own, flicking passed my favourite tops and tee-shirts until I find the most oversized one I own to camouflage the lumps and bulges that I wish weren't there.

I am up late and I am not organised, 'fail to prepare, prepare to fail' the saying rings around my mind as I pour my first coffee of the day. I plan my food for next week - this time I will follow my plan, no giving in to comfort food because I am tired!

 

By 10:30 my shopping for next week is ordered, I am at work and breakfast is over - it has been treat Friday at work so it was Starbucks day and after a Large Caramel Latte and Almond Croissant I think a calorie allowance is a pointless exercise for the rest of the day. The morning passed in a caffeinated blur thanks to the amount of coffee I have drunk.....

 

At lunchtime I read and head for the Farm Shop. the Farm shop should mean some healthy choices, but there are too many goodies and my will power hasn't been exercised for sometime now - I reach for the roast pork sandwich, some crisps and a chocolate mousse for later in the afternoon...

 

The chocolate mousse has sent me over the edge, my blood sugar levels have been up and down all of the way through the day and they are at the bottom now. I feel crappy, tired and the mousse has made me feel sick. Even a large glass of water to dilute all of the food hasn't helped kick it out of my system. I just want to go home and relax... I find I am already looking forward to the glass of wine that could be waiting for me...

 

I find my mind wandering to the person I want to be, what I want to look like (think Nicole Wilkins, the off season look). How am I going to get there if I continue how I am. Bet she doesn't give in to the sickly chocolate mousse just because she feels like it - or the glass of wine at night after a bad day....noooo she is an athlete, she feeds her body with good fuels, she doesn't stick rubbish in her fuel tank... there is no wonder I feel rubbish all the time - all I put into my body is rubbish, 'You are what you eat!'

 

I hope to myself that tomorrow I can start this, start to be the person I want, not the person I dislike when I look in the mirror - maybe tomorrow will be that day....

It's 8:15, I've had a salmon red thai curry, a bath and 2 glasses of my usual rosé and I am ready for bed... My body is burned out from the ups and downs of sugar rush today.

Whilst I wait for bedtime, my hubby is watching sport on tv in the lounge whilst I sulk in the kitchen drinking wine and wishing I wasn't so weak.

PShe woke groggily, the need to continue sleeping over took her, but he wasn't going to give in so easily, he looked at her, leaned in to sniff and lick her face all the while his tail wagged furiously. He loved mornings, he was so excited that it was a new day, she sighed and chuckled inwardly, sliding her legs out of bed. 

She padded downstairs, actually it was a beautiful morning, not too warm as it was getting to the end of summer now, there was dew on the grass and a dampness in the air that is never there during the midsummer. After feeding him she sat at the table ready to drink her coffee, the caffeine will bring her round and chase the sleepiness away. She checked in on Facebook, what had her friends across the Atlantic been up to whilst she slept, post after post of fitness, food and wellbeing tips and tricks were there, she groaned inwardly, she wanted that lifestyle, but like so many of the population she couldn't quite make it happen consistantly. Today would be a tough day for staying on track... It was August Bank Holiday today, a day off work and a day to be with her husband.

She heard him stir upstairs as he headed for the bathroom and she turned the kettle on to make him his morning cup of tea, he was already sat up in bed when she appeared in the bedroom, he smiled in greeting at her, she smiled back as she placed the cup on the bedside table. He took this for granted. How many other men were brought a cup or tea every morning in bed she wondered, she didn't mind though, it was just part of the routine they had created, the routine that meant they were a team, always working together, pulling together against the outside world. Her husband, her rock.

7th August

Another day off work and it is gloriously sunny :-)

Up at 4:30 ish, let Eddie out then headed back to bed, by 5:30 he woke me again... Toyed with closing the doggies in kennel and heading back to my cosy bed, but I was awake and wanted to get my workout in before handsome woke up...

Full workout done...then brekkie on the decking...

* holiday moment*

It's never too late to be who you might have been.....

Wow... Where did that month go??

Today has been a day of doing nothing, the weather is grey, dull & showery... My mood has swung from angry, upset, sad, reflective.. I am now soaking away my troubles in a warm bubble bath...

Is this the 'depression'? is it time of the month? Is it the fact that with nothing planned for the day my thoughts wander to my troubles? Maybe i am lacking those feel good hormones that come from working out? Who knows? But right now I need to work through my thoughts because right now I am sad.

I am sad that I don't feel I give 100% to any endeavour, I am sad that I can't get a grip if my fitness, of my finances, of running my house smoothly. I am sad that I feel disappointed in myself, sad that I am kinda waiting for all the good stuff to end. Nothing good has ever lasted for me, it always comes crashing down around me ... It's been going ok for a while now....

I haven't got sickness, I haven't got injuries,people around me are healthy and safe. I just feel guilty and like a big imposter, like they are all gonna realise I am not good enough... To be their wife, daughter In law, to live in this house, to live the fit life.

I feel bad writing this... Like I am being self indulgent, holding a pity party for 1...but it's my blog about how I feel, about my journey and if I don't log this how will I remember how i got through this?

There is only one way through it... To be proactive, to work out what's wrong and baby steps to making it right..

If I do nothing and stand still the things around me will get worse whilst I stand there with my head in the sand....

Inspired by Lacey ....

Inspired by catching up on the blog by Lacey has meant I wanna make a few goal for my week ahead....

1- no takeaways, no junk, make every meal from scratch and make at least 2 of those new recipes 

2- gym time.... Only 1 day between today and Friday can be skipped

3- 1 glass of wine max per evening & look into an alternate habit to end this alcoholic one!

Another summersday ...

After the terrible weather last week, everything has been lifted again thanks to some sunshine! Work is on a break for me until next Friday and this week I wanna use to relax, to be active, to cook loads of new clean food and to do something to get myself in the right frame of mind again! 

So I pulled together my 'at my worst' info and came up with the pics below.. These are in 2008, I weighed 75kg, I hated my short hair, a had a stressful job, a wine habit and an inconsistent gym routine, I wasn't happy with myself, I was uncomfortable in my skin. It was on seeing these pics that I made up my mind to change and that never again in my life would I look back on pictures that held great memories with the feeling of embarrassment I did when I saw these...

Today I have short hair that I don't love, my job isn't as stressful nowadays, I have a wine habit (in fact I know there is a glassful left in an open bottle and I know there are two more bottles chilling in the fridge.... Not all for tonight, these should last me around 4 days!!), I am inconsistent with my eating and with the gym... And I weigh 74kg..  Talk about full circle!!

This doesn't make me sad or regretful, More so, it tells me I did it once I can do it again, what bothers me is that I was able to take my eye off the ball enough to end up at square 1, something didn't 'gel' on the 'lifestyle change' so I need to reflect on that ... Was I too strict? I definitely got the bulk of the weight off in the first few months...?

So first off what other matches are there? The wine is definitely one match, a bad habit I had then that I also have now... What else? Inconsistent food... The 'I will make a better choice later' or the 'I deserve this treat' factor... In consistent gym workouts, mindfulness... I have worked so hard to focus on now that I don't think of my future... Oh yeh the wine tastes and feels good now... What about when I am a stone heavier in the future will I regret it?

I am 37 now and I am aware that the illnesses may come sooner rather than later... I could be in my last decade of 'healthfulness' what choices I make today really do matter!

It is time I took responsibility for my life... Where I am going, who I wanna be... 5 years on and I still don't wanna be the 'chubby' girl in these pics!!

 

It's not me...

I have been thinking a lot...
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I do this?
Why can't I motivate myself?
Why can't u say no to junk food?
Why don't I have the dedication to not snooze my alarm?

Of course each of these questions is another negative thought about myself but I did have a brainwave over the weekend... It's not me, it's not that something is wrong with me, that I am not as strong as others...it is the paths that I have created and continued to instil in my head!
The first time I laid in the bath with a glass of wine a created a connection a neural pathway taking me from 'bath' & 'wine' to feeling good and relaxation, the 2nd time I did it I made that pathway a bit clearer, the third time I ground out that path a little more until after a good 100 times that path is pretty much gouged well and truly into my head.... Wanna relax & feel good... Oh yeah, drink wine in bath!!

This is why I don't even think about what I am doing I just take the path I know, this has happened over all sorts of things... The pathways used to link good stuff to good stuff but they have got a little skewed over the last year...
So I gotta start building those new pathways like:
'early start' & 'gym' means feeling great
'Iced green tea' & 'bath' means refreshed & re-energised.

Now I can stop thinking that I am just rubbish and start building some new pathways!!

Simple Saturdays

I was awake for a long time last night... I don't know how long because I refuse to check the time, I get stressed about not sleeping and if I can time it that makes it worse! I kept trying to visualise a time when I have completed this goal, this used to be mega fit me walking down the beach in front of whichever hotel we were heading for with the mantra 'I am not looking back on these holiday photos and feeling fat'. Thing is I couldn't come up with an image...? What does that mean?

I didn't get up as early as I wanted, but I still headed to the gym I put 'Jodie Marsh' bodybuilding show in tv to inspire means worked out whilst watching her journey to taking 1st at a fitness comp. I worked out my legs and shoulders, but didnt want to do too much cardio because I might be burning around 1,000 calories playing golf this afternoon, so I just did a 4 min tabata blast on treadmill... Wow that was tuff!!!!

So I followed my positive morning with a healthy brekkie and an episode of biggest loser... It's nearly the final and the contestants are heading home and looking back and I blubbed my way through it.... I wanna look back and feel like they do!!

We played golf but I faded fast thanks to my lack of sleep, we finished at 11 holes and headed home.

Once bathed we ate chicken in Parma ham and Philadelphia dauphinois potatoes and then settled in to watch Eurovision Song Contest - I fell asleep during scoring at around 10:30!

Not a bad day!

And a few days later....

Hmm, here I am again, same place, same space, just a few more days on from the last time I was trying to gain a handle on my life. Are you really living your life if you don't have goals...? Is it living to not really aim for anything or want to create something better?

Do I really want these things and what am I prepared to do to get them because last week I really wasn't that prepared to work for them and instead I floated and drifted and I had a terrible week!

I am not invested in me because my self belief is in the drain. Would you invest in something that you were sure would fail? No probably not....

I never have been a fighter... If something gets too hard I will tend to give up and walk away... What's the point I won't get to win anyway? I am certainly not by best friend...!

Hmm this is not my pity party but more a way to try to understand me? Why don't I wanna be the best I can, why do I chose to blow my diet or blow my workout off?
What do I gain? I need to get to the bottom of this before I can move forward.

I wish my brain would stop thinking... Of problems, of excuses, of reasons not or to put it off. It's time to invest in me, time to put the last year right.

I am Gayle and I am and will be a success!!

Tues 2nd April

All the best intentions....

I slept really lightly last night so I didn't feel at all rested on waking, but I chugged my water and fat burners at 3:50 ready for getting up at 4:00. I read recently that this was a great way to get yourself out of bed... Hmm not working for me, sleeping the alarm is giving me a chance to back out if the gyming, instead of the relaxing , steady wake up that it should be. I woke pretty happy to get up, took the burners and snoozed, then snoozed again, then realised I wasn't getting up and changed the alarm to 6:00. No workout for me today!

I am sabotaging myself a bit with indecision... Do I eat clean only, do I calorie count, do I go strict, do I do this relaxed ... Grr not sure which to go with...But I can't help thinking if I go reasonably strict for the next 12 weeks (until July) then I am going to be heading to 150 or less at 1lbish a week!! I like this idea, I can feel a little fire starting...
That's heading onto Maldives size when I felt great !!! Isn't that a good enough reason to do this and get my head down... In fact a 12 week dedication to all areas of my life will make amazing changes in my life!!!
So no kicking myself over today! I learnt a lesson (no snoozing anymore!) so that means that today has been a good day!!

Sun 31st & Mon 1st

W..w...w...wipe out!!!

What a crap couple of days on the well being front!!
We had the in laws over for Sunday lunch and the alcohol was seriously flowing!
Monday started at Mcd's then visiting family so the day disappeared, although I made a fantastic sweet & sour roast chicken which was fabulous!

Friday 29th March

Today is the day before the official start of my transformation.
It's a day of reflection and a day to work out what I need to do to make myself happy. I am not carrying on like this. I am making the changes that I need to so that I can be happy. I took my measurements recently and I am not going to take them again for a month. I don't want a 'free' day but I do want the flexibility to have a treat or two, a glass of wine or two without feeling that I have blown it... My feelings of all or nothing are going to be replaced with feelings of moderation.
Food log:
1, Protein Latte
2, EW Oatmeal, banana, peanut butter & coffee
3, Bacon & tomato sandwich on brown with gingerbread latte
4, Protein crispy, coffee
5, creme egg, sunbites
6, beef fajitas x 2, tortilla chips, cheesecake
Water x 1, beer x 1, 3 large glasses of wine

Workout:
Did approx 1 hour spinning whilst watching geordie shore

Progress not perfection:
3 things I did well
1, spinning
2, crossing the abyss mind work
3, breakfast was good
1 thing I need to improve tomorrow:
Food, I broke all the rules today, temptation, too long between meals, no water etc..

YOU WILL BE A SUCCESS STORY!!

Crossing the abyss...

When I look at myself from the outside I don't like what I see, I mean everything about me is acceptable but I don't feel it is what I can be. I can be better than this. I want to be better than this. I am better than this.

Deep down inside I feel sad and low that I am not what I want to be. Maybe it would feel better if I excelled at an area of my life, but I don't feel like that, I feel like I am average in all areas of my life. I am not the best wife I can be, I am not as good as I could be at fitness, at work I am average.

Average - that is definitely the word that I feel describes me. I am dull, neutral, not here, not there. I lovely husband, I don't see what he sees in me. I feel dragged down and lethargic by my own feelings about myself.

I am not confident or strong (mentally or physically). I have no energy, no real zest for life... Oh I have my moments every now and again....
I am not on the right path to where I want life to be and my constant failure to make myself better is knocking me lower each time. I don't even want to think about where life may take me if I continue down this path, I've read the secret and I don't want to give it any energy, but I know by the fact I refuse to think about it that it isn't a good future! I don't want my life to change... I love my husband, I love my dogs, I lovely family and I love my house. What I need is to make it better, to make me better so that I can relax and be happy in my life. I want this to stop, this constant hate and anger at myself, it affects everything I do and everyone around me.

So what are 5 most important accomplishments I need to make, within 12 weeks, for me to be pleased with myself and feel like I am changing for the better?

1, I was going to say weight loss, but then I realised that the number on the scale really isn't very important to me. What matters is my body shape, my fitness, my leanness ... So number 1 is fitting into my size 12 clothes comfortably.
When I fit into my clothes I will feel good, I will not be sat at work feeling uncomfortable or feeling fat. I will feel good on the golf course. I will fit into my sexy underwear and feel sexy! I will feel happy to go anywhere and won't be trying to cover my muffin top, my arms, my bum etc....

2, feeling proud & sexy due to size 12 clothes will not cover everything. Removing junk from my diet will make me feel good on the inside and this will radiate through to the outside, my skin will improve, my hair and nails will grow. So my second change must be an 80% clean diet with a massive reduction in junk.

3, the other side if that has to be the workouts. I want working out to become a part of my life, to be a habit. I just get up and do it. This needs to be an 80% if not a 90% habit

4, the chatter needs to stop. I need to get rid of the constant negativity that flows around my head. I do not want to keep knocking myself down and holding myself back. I want to feel the freedom that comes from self belief and acceptance, but I won't find this whilst I keep failing.

5, no more insecurity in my relationship which is caused by no one but me. I want to build that intimacy and improve the bond that we already have.


1, within 12 weeks I will be a size 12!
2, within 12 weeks I will be less than 28% body fat
3, within 12 weeks I will be eating clean at least 90% of the time
4, within 12 weeks I will have made working out a part of my life
5, within 12 weeks I will like myself


How many more weeks do I want to feel like shit about myself and let life pass me by? Haven't I wasted enough time already?
By the end of June this will all be behind me and I will be feeling great!!!!

This is how I roll..

Ok so at the start of a new program there are a few things that you must do....

1, take measurements including the dreaded weight measurement and log them somewhere safe
2, decide on your food plan
3, decide on your workout plan
4, work out your goals
5, as Bill Phillips says...'you must cross the abyss'

So I am in the process of sorting all of this out.

Food: this is how I roll:
I will keep a sneak peek on my calories, but I won't be ruled by them. I will aim for around 1800 calories each day. Protein, carbs & good fat at each meal, 6 x per day.
I will work to the 'Eat Clean' rules ... If it doesn't come from the ground or have a mother I won't be eating it!
Now I am aiming for a lifestyle change not a strict crash diet, I want to enjoy my food and not feel deprived so there are allowed treats if all else is on track:
1 x cinnamon swirl per week.
Friday & Saturday nights are treat meals and can include some vino.
If my day has been good I can reward myself with 2 cubes of dark chocolate(this is occasionally allowed during the day if work stress has me craving)
I am aiming for 80/20 not 100% so a slight stumble if the wagon does not mean I have blown it for the week.
Don't forget to hydrate with a minimum of 2 litres of water daily....

So I am happy with my plan... I am committing to this today..... This is going to stop the yoyo-ing and start the body fat loss xx

January..You will be tough, but I will be tougher!!

So because Jan started on a Tuesday and it was tough getting back into work after the Christmas break I decided to start all of my fitness goals on Sat 5th.

I let myself down..

Sat Summary:
Meal 1, Protein Latte
*Back & Biceps workout*
Meal 2, EW, Oats, banana, Nut butter, Coffee
Meal 3, 4 x Turkey Bacon Rashers, 1 dry fried egg in 2 slices bread
*Golf*
Meal 4, Snickers & Lucozade Energy (durning golf)
Meal 5, Slice of Xmas Panetone and coffee, then some chocolates and coffee
Meal 6, Lamb Tikka Masala, poppadums, pickles
3 bottles Coors

Sun Summary:
Meal 1, Cott Cheese, Blueberries, Oatcakes, Coffee
*Dog Walk*
Meal 2, Egg W Omlette, veggies & Chorizo and slice toast, 1 x slice Xmas Panetone
Meal 3, Coffee & Panetone, stollen & chocolates
Crisps & chocolates 2 x glasses of wine

Where did I go wrong?
Sat:
Back & Biceps workout.... I didn't feel right. I didn't feel inspiring, I felt like I wasn't doing the right thing. I took my weights a bit lighter because of the few months off....
Meal 2 - I was making DH the unhealthy version of this so I tried to make it a bit better...we ended up needing something quick to prepare - I was going to have EW Omelette, but no time
On the Golfcourse - I hadn't prep'd any healthy snacks so ended up buying what I could at the golfclub.
Starving when we got home (due to lack of healthy snacks!) ended up binging on sweet stuff
Sun:
I did intend to hit the gym, but didn't do it as soon as I got up... this was my first mistake as life always gets in the way later in the day!
Meal 2 - I shouldn't have given in to the Panetone...
Meal 3 - Really... what was I thinking?? Oh well all Panetone is now gone!!
While watching films I just carried on the binge!

Needless to say I have struggled to get up this morning, I feel sluggish and fed up about it. I am immediatly hitting the pattern that I have been in for the last year-ish. I don't think ahead about the consequences or the benefits I just do what I do and think I will deal with it tomorrow, later whenever.

This is not a good pattern to be in, but I seem to be in it in lots of areas of life - a definite procrastination cycle... I need to get passed this and push through...

I don't want to be the person who weekends like this!